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An old man stood beside the casket of his wife of more
than fifty years, tears rolling down his face. His children and friends
tried to comfort him, but he could only mourn, "I loved her so much, I
loved her so much…"
He
had always been a quiet, reserved man. Although he had been a faithful
husband to his wife, his children had never heard him express his love
with such emotion. His wail of "I loved her so much, I loved her so
much…" caused them to hush and listen closely, sensing that he had more
to say.
"I
loved her so much…," he cried again. And then, he gained a little
composure and added, "I loved her so much I nearly told her once."
Sad
as this little story may seem, some husbands bottle up their praise and
words of affirmation, assuming that their wives know how they feel. They
are like the man who said, "I told her I loved her when I married her,
and if I ever change my mind I’ll tell her. Until then, she knows that I
love her."
While the most important need of a husband is to be honored, the
greatest need of a wife is to be cherished. She needs to feel that she
is the most important person in her husband’s life. She needs to feel
that she is beautiful in his eyes.
Some
may argue that the need to be praised is a sign of weakness. If that
were the case, then God would be a weak God. Throughout the Bible, we
are called upon to praise the Lord, to exalt him, to express our love
and devotion to him.
The
need for praise is not the sign of weakness, but the sign of a deep
yearning of a good relationship with another. When a husband praises his
wife and expresses his love and devotion to her, she feels she is
valued. A husband who values his wife will also respect her, treat her
kindly, and fulfill his vows to her.
The
first words a wife hears from her husband every morning should be words
of praise that express his love. The last words at night should equally
express his feeling that she is wonderful in his eyes.
Because a woman is usually more relational than a man, she more greatly
values things like eating out, celebrating her birthday, or being
praised. Because a man concentrates more on getting things done, he
usually values things like a new car or finding the right channel with
the remote control.
The
problems come when the husband tries to fulfill his wife with things and
achievements instead of giving himself through meaningful conversation,
a planned night out, or tender words of praise and love. The problems
intensify when the man becomes more concerned with having sex than in
the romance, commitment, and relational understanding that God intended
to go with the act.
It
has been said that a woman’s beauty at 20 depends on the chromosomes God
gave her, but her beauty at 70 depends on the praise her husband has
given her.
The
Bible says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but
only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs."
(Ephesians 4:29) That means NO cuts, and MUCH praise!
Paul Jetter, Upper Valley Community Church
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